Scene opens with a close-up on a door handle. Further zoom-out reveals it to belong to the door of the one and only D-tank. Loud giggling erupts from the interior of the door, as DT’s suitemates begin to investigate the nature of this noise. With puzzled but skeptical looks to one another, POGOF and Balz knock on the door of the DT.
DT: (loud hiccupping laughs) Come in! (Balz and POGOF enter, discovering DT on her chair with one leg perched on her desk and the other balancing her dangerously angled chair. Further examination reveals the source of this “giggling.” An almost empty handle with no cap is horizontal on the floor, with an upside-down sweaty shot glass next to the computer. DT seems preoccupied, however, with the site on her shitty ass mother-fucking computer) Guys, there’s this friend from back home- he’s so hot – and we’ve been playing a drinking game on AIM. I’m winning!
BALZ: How much have you had to drink?
DT: (shrugs her shoulders) Mwerp! About this much (holds her index and thumb fingers about a millimeter apart)
POGOF: Based on your breath and the overall stench of the room, I’d say that you’ve had a wee bit more than that.
DT: Nuh uh! OMG I am SOOO horny right now! Like damn!
BALZ: Hey, settle down there Tank. I think The Stoned are drinking tonight. Maybe you can find some company there.
DT: Guys you are so right! Hahaha let’s go girlies!
(The three leave to venture into the Land of the Stoned, where sectional couches in college dorms become a reality and bong rips for breakfast are more common than morning wood)
BALZ: (whispering to DT) Hey, maybe you should try to get “The Hot One” to take off his shirt!
DT: (giggles) OK! (She stumbles over to “THO” on the futon with her hands sneakily around her bust area in rabbit formation. She eventually makes it over to “THO,” who is wearing a dashing blue button-down shirt)
THO: Oh hey D-tank.
DT: How’s it hangin’ THO! Wow, you look really comfy! (DT climbs onto his lap, almost onto his head) Hahahaha! (She slowly slides down his body) OMG I love your shirt! Haha buttons! (She is on the floor now, and starts to slowly slide her hand up and down his chest area. One by one, she rips the buttons off) Wow, naked! Nice nipples, you wanna do body shots? I see beer! (DT reaches with her whole body, lunging for the precious alcohol as THO tries to button back up his dignity)
THO: Uhh, no thanks. (THO eases out of his seat as his cell phone lights up and rings)
DT: Well, do you at least wanna do stuff, like fuck? I LOVE to donkeypunch, you?
THO: Yo, I gotta take this. Peace.
DT: But! Huff! Harumph! (She pouts and sulks until she sees what appears to be a 40) Haha I want some! (chugs) DT wants more! Wut-ev, I bet THO has liquor! Serves him right for rejecting the Tank!
(DT scoots out of the room and stumbles her way down to his room. She trips and tears down the curtain in her drunken-blind-blueballed-state, vomits on the floor and picks up THO’s alcohol, all while cackling like a crazy emotional drunk girl. She runs back up to The Room of JJJ, where she drunkenly {slurring} retells the story to everyone sans the vomit. Minutes later, THO returns)
THO: Who the fuck drank my booze, puked everywhere, and fucked up the whole fucking room? (He delivers this in an eerily calm monotone, obviously gritting his teeth. His jaw muscles tense and pop as he is ready to tear some shit apart. Quick visual: he still has only buttoned one button of his shirt)
(DT starts giggling and turning red, unable to control herself for a sneaky job well done): Guys, that’s mean and stuff. Like who would do that?
MANDELA: Gross, you puked everywhere?
JJ: Yo, you didn’t tell us that shit.
THO: I never should have crossed the Tank. (Puts his head in his hands and then immediately kicks a hole into a nearby wall. The end is a close-up on DT’s drunken mouth, as it laughs and then is filled with more alcohol)
ZACKATTACK!: (ZackAttack! is setting volleyballs against the walls of the Mansion, inches away from the massive TV and an ever-sleeping SS/MTV) Ok, so check it, when DT wants something, DT GETS something. It may not be what she wanted originally, but boy will she get it. Long story short, don’t mess with a Tank, especially when it’s Drunk. Cuz when a Tank is Drunk it always knows best, and if you say different you will get fucked UP yo. Aw, shit. (His volleyball hits and wakes SS/MTV, who groans, reveals an erection, and yells out, ‘You know what I said would happen if you did that again, ZA!’) Nooo! (ZA! Runs into NTB’s bear arms, as NIMH distracts SS/MTV with a cat on a fishing line) Drunktank!!! Save me! (DT miraculously hears him and comes into the room, providing the ultimate de-erection through her newest dance moves)
DT: Now we’re totally in love, ZA!
ZA!: Uh, I’m not so sure about this…
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